Someone asked concerning keeping secrets of one’s past relationships: “Is it wrong to keep certain details about my past relationship from my present partner?” In this case, the partners are yet to be married.

• My very first recommendation is

 ‘KNOW WHOM YOU’RE DEALING WITH.’

People handle information differently. Our levels of maturity varies. Some people hear every ugly detail about your past and it changes nothing about how they feel towards you as long as they are convinced that you are no longer involved in such lifestyle. Some others only hear half of those past details and it changes how they see you forever. So, understand your partner first.

Take note; there are some things you will have to tell your partner about your past (irrespective of their level of maturity). This brings me to my next point.

• My second advice will be:

‘YOU DON’T HAVE TO SPILL YOUR GUTS ON “IRRELEVANT DETAILS” ABOUT YOUR PAST.’

Before now, I considered it absolutely wrong to keep any information about your past from your partner. It made me feel guilty; like I’m not being honest with my partner. As time passed, I have come to understand that some details about your past are really not relevant so you may choose to leave them out if you believe your partner may not be able to handle it at a particular time.

DON’T GET ME WRONG. Take note, I said IRRELEVANT DETAILS. This means some details of your past life are very crucial to be brought before your partner because some of our past mistakes affect the future.

For instance past abortions, prostitution, cultism, rape and some dangerous lifestyles in your past should be brought to the table if you’re planning to marry this person. The reason is simply because if you no longer have a womb, for instance, and you keep quiet; claiming its past, then my sister, you’re just looking for trouble. Or you have impregnated someone, or being initiated into something deep and you just keep it to yourself, then you’re not only being selfish but trying to create problem in your relationship.

For someone that had led a promiscuous life in the past, for instance, counting the number of people they have slept with or how many times you did one outrageous thing or the other seems to me like an irrelevant detail that can make some partners feel uncomfortable.

• Thirdly,

TIMING is important.

 You just started dating someone about a couple of months and you are already spilling your guts about all your ugly past. Common!  It may break the relationship and even if it doesn’t, how did you know something else won’t lead to the end of the relationship?

I recommend you give the relationship time and be sure you’re preparing to get married before you divulge sensitive details about your past that could be used against you tomorrow if you eventually go your separate ways.

In CONCLUSION

There are no stiff rules when it comes to handling some issues in relationships because there are peculiar cases. In all, wisdom is profitable to direct you (Ecclesiastes 10:10) and God offers to give wisdom to anyone that asks for some (James 1:5). So, just ask God to lead you or seek advice from mature minds.

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